FatroSexual of the Month! We are so into Her! This woman can do no wrong! We love you!


I AM EVERYTHING NO ONE WANTS - 29

Reply to: anon-29039307@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-04-18, 12:05AM EDT


Looking for someone you're NOT interested in? Look no further!

I AM FAT! Yes, you heard me right. Not cute and chubby. Not Rubenesque. Not voluptuous. I'm plain, old-fashioned F-A-T. Call it whatever you want, there's no amount of big, oversized shirts and baggy sweats over three times too small spandex and girdles that can hide the fact that I'm a flabby, chunky, whale of a woman. Yeah, I can use all that secret code and say I'm a BBW or justify it by saying that there's "more to love"... but if you met me, all you're gonna do is take one look and say, "Hot DAMN, she's fucking FAT!"

And not only am I fat, but I'm a fat CHINK too! You know how Margeret Cho looked BEFORE she lost the weight and AFTER she gained it back? Yup, that's me. And before you tell me that she's not a Chink; she's a Gook, what the hell does it really matter? It's not like you non-Asian folks can tell the freaking difference anyways.



I AM CHEAP. Yes, I expect a man to be a freaking MAN and offer to pay for shit. Sure, I might not take you up on it, but then again, I might. And guys who wait and watch for me to take out my own wallet before they'll take out theirs when the check comes are cheap fucking bastards. On TOP of that, if I offer to pay for something and you fucking LET me... why don't you just fucking move back in with your parents and just mooch off of them for eternity and leave the rest of us women and our wallets alone.

I AM SHALLOW. Oh sure, I'm no Cindy Crawford or Tyra Banks or whoever the hot new young "thang" is out there. (Who the hell keeps up with that stupid stuff anyways?) But *I* don't want to date a freaking Sasquatch anymore than the men around here want to date Roseanne. (Yes, in my head, Roseanne = Sasquatch.) I may be everything no one wants, but I'm not desperate either.



I SMOKE POT. And I inhale too.

MY FAMILY IS NOT NORMAL. I only elaborate with my therapist about that. And by "therapist," I mean whomever I'm dating.



I SNORE. And occasionally I talk in my sleep too. Sometimes in Chinese. And I steal the blankets.

I'VE GOT A DIRTY SENSE OF HUMOR. I like sex jokes. I like fart jokes. I'll imagine people's "O" faces and snicker to myself over them, and I'll find dirty innuendos in everything people say. No, it's not ladylike. And fuck you.


YOU CAN NOT FIGURE ME OUT. Don't even try. It's useless.