FatroSexual of the Month! We are so into Her! This woman can do no wrong! We love you!


I AM EVERYTHING NO ONE WANTS - 29

Reply to: anon-29039307@craigslist.org
Date: 2004-04-18, 12:05AM EDT


Looking for someone you're NOT interested in? Look no further!

I AM FAT! Yes, you heard me right. Not cute and chubby. Not Rubenesque. Not voluptuous. I'm plain, old-fashioned F-A-T. Call it whatever you want, there's no amount of big, oversized shirts and baggy sweats over three times too small spandex and girdles that can hide the fact that I'm a flabby, chunky, whale of a woman. Yeah, I can use all that secret code and say I'm a BBW or justify it by saying that there's "more to love"... but if you met me, all you're gonna do is take one look and say, "Hot DAMN, she's fucking FAT!"

And not only am I fat, but I'm a fat CHINK too! You know how Margeret Cho looked BEFORE she lost the weight and AFTER she gained it back? Yup, that's me. And before you tell me that she's not a Chink; she's a Gook, what the hell does it really matter? It's not like you non-Asian folks can tell the freaking difference anyways.



I AM CHEAP. Yes, I expect a man to be a freaking MAN and offer to pay for shit. Sure, I might not take you up on it, but then again, I might. And guys who wait and watch for me to take out my own wallet before they'll take out theirs when the check comes are cheap fucking bastards. On TOP of that, if I offer to pay for something and you fucking LET me... why don't you just fucking move back in with your parents and just mooch off of them for eternity and leave the rest of us women and our wallets alone.

I AM SHALLOW. Oh sure, I'm no Cindy Crawford or Tyra Banks or whoever the hot new young "thang" is out there. (Who the hell keeps up with that stupid stuff anyways?) But *I* don't want to date a freaking Sasquatch anymore than the men around here want to date Roseanne. (Yes, in my head, Roseanne = Sasquatch.) I may be everything no one wants, but I'm not desperate either.



I SMOKE POT. And I inhale too.

MY FAMILY IS NOT NORMAL. I only elaborate with my therapist about that. And by "therapist," I mean whomever I'm dating.



I SNORE. And occasionally I talk in my sleep too. Sometimes in Chinese. And I steal the blankets.

I'VE GOT A DIRTY SENSE OF HUMOR. I like sex jokes. I like fart jokes. I'll imagine people's "O" faces and snicker to myself over them, and I'll find dirty innuendos in everything people say. No, it's not ladylike. And fuck you.


YOU CAN NOT FIGURE ME OUT. Don't even try. It's useless.

From the editor,

We don't normally take paid endorsements, but we are a small site and we don't get many offers. With that, sit back and listen to what the man has to say. Any comments or concerns press tea contact tab to the right and tell me directly.
--Fatrosexual #1


From the Breadboard,

Recently the intake of bread in America has gone way down. I blame ATKINS and the people who claim to be on it, but are too cheap and lazy to follow through.

Anyone on this diet thinks they have to stay away from bread. They have a diet that tells them what ot eat and not eat.

Then there are the people who don't want to buy or read the book and are guessing at what to do. They eat anything they want except for regular Coke and bread.

To that I say phewy! Either eat a ton including bread, or eat nothing at all.

This is why I wanted to announce to you bread's new catch phrase and media launch.

"Bread, it's not what's keeping you fat." I know it's harsh, but ording a Italian Sub without the sub, is not going to make you a 32 waist.

Plus, I got kids to put through school. Private school is not cheap. Why should they have to go to a public school so you can skip the gym indefinately?

Look for our new mascot, Fit Phill the French Loaf, who doesn't like to loaf around the house.

You can order "Eat bread. Drink beer. A Carb ain't gonna kill ya" t-shirts and bumper stickers.

Sincerly, Abe Washington

The most famous fatrosexual in the world.

It's a big night, why cut your heair, tighten your tie? F it, live the stereotype. A real Fatrosexual would clean up. Cut or tie up the hair. Get a big Steven Segal jacket. A well tied tie. And a new pair of running shoes.

Congrats big man. We waited fourty years for this, at least you could do is tuck in your shirt.

Our Fatrosexual of the night? He showed up for his daughter's big night, looking like a million dollars with a spare tire. Thanks for dressing up. Now make a decent movie; like the old days.

Who's hotter? The fat Anna Nicole Smith or the new skinny Anna?

I say fat. She's big, bold, and ready for action!
Skinny? No way. Not my idea who hotness. E! channel must agree. After she shed 100 pounds of the love, the "entertainment" channel dumped our poor (soon to be rich) victim. Did they think there wasn't any comedy left? She might be thin, but she still ain't that smart. Is dumb and smart not as funny as if she was fat?

Fat, fun and ready for breakfast.
Anna and some dude. I hopes it's not her man!
how can you say no to that at even twice the price? She's like a sofa from IKEA, all cushion!

GUT OF THE MONTH!

That's right! be proud and get the stomaches rolling: it's show time! (It's time to get a better doctor.)

Don't call him "Big Guy." He's tough, rough and 80% chance he's hearing running shoes.

Our second placer is simply known as first timer. Let's see how big it is now. Two years ago it was just a baby.

That's right! Screw Atkins! Keep training and one day you might end up as a winner!

The Fatrosexual Knows the Ladies. He's go the confidence to meet the hotest ones and the personality to keep her. Just like on any cbs sitcom.

He knows how to dress. He knows any outfit, whether an XL or an XXXXL can be perfectly accented with a running shoe.

A true Fatrosexual, hates to be called, "Big Guy." It's just stupid and jarring. Like Adam Sandler movies.

Most likely, It's not the Fatrosexual who dealt it, he know better. If you smell one, it's either you or the dog.

A Fatrosexual, isn't affraid to order what ever he wants at a restuarant. He won't pretend he doesn't eat a lot, like his appearance is a strange coinincidence. If it's on the menu, he'll try it. No secret eating here.

Most of all, a Fatrosexual never thinks fat jokes about Oprah are funny. Mainly because she hasn't been fat in 20 years.

The hotest and the greatest. It's all love for our large ladies.




The confy shirt. The shirt is loose and thin to add extra breathing.

Under those sheets, shorts! Al Fresco! She's got a secret, if you know what I mean.

To top it off, running shoes!

Hello, Miss. January. We Miss you.